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Sunday, 16 October 2016

5 Things I Learned as a Parent This Week #50

1.The most utterly pointless thing I've ever done is clean the floor.

2.With kids you are never 'ON TIME', merely 'NOT LATE YET'.

3.It's easier to eat soup with a fork than herd multiple toddlers in the same direction.

4.There's been more head banging in our house this week than a Black Sabbath gig.

5.I've never taken acid but I have watched In The Night Garden.

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Saturday, 15 October 2016

Things I Learned Podcast Episode 20

My guest on this week's episode is the comedian Chris Cairns. We spoke about clown attacks, bunking on the train to Wales and managing his daughter's transition from childhood to young adult.

Get it on:


Monday, 10 October 2016

10 Things I Learned as a Parent This Week (#49)

Forget beautiful sunsets or snow on Christmas Day - my favourite sight in the whole world (even more than my kids themselves) is two empty plates at the end of a meal. (What this pic doesn't show is the rest of the food all over the bastard floor...)
1.Toddlers never run out of fresh creative ways to twat their head into stuff.

2.Applying logic to a child is as pointless as applying sun cream to a piece of toast.

3.Using the bathroom in our house feels like that bit at the safari park when the baboons jump all over your car.

4."Don't dip your spoon in someone else's porridge" sounds like a filthy euphemism.

5.Toddler's moods are like the British weather: constantly changing, hard to predict and guaranteed to ruin a picnic.

6.I spend my entire time at soft play areas ensuring my children don't attack other children.

7.Your child doing a nuclear-level shite as you've just handed them over to your partner on your way out the house feels like a lottery win.

8.Tesco pull up nappies are just leaky hot pants. Terrible.

9.If you accidentally kick an open, shitty nappy at the correct angle it glides across the floor like a hockey puck.

10.Fellas: it's not 'babysitting' if it's YOUR kid.

(I'm a stand up comic and dad of twins, click here to like and follow my blog on my FB page.)

Wednesday, 5 October 2016

Things I Learned Podcast Episode 19

So, I haven't written a blog for a while and that's mainly because the Liverpool Comedy Festival has been running. And I'm the Artistic Director of the whole thing so it's a fairly hectic time as you can imagine!

Anyway, the whole thing went incredibly well and I even managed to squeeze in a live version of the podcast as part of the Funny Looking Fringe - here's a sneak preview with my guest Helen Keeler, talking about parenting, autism and bipolar disorder:

To listen to the whole thing and subscribe go to:


Thursday, 29 September 2016

Things I Learned Episode 18

On this week's podcast I gloat about winning an award and chat to the star of Live at the Apollo and Michael McIntyre's Comedy Roadshow, Mick Ferry.

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