'Hilarious' DAILY MAIL 'Very entertaining' SUNDAY TIMES 'Amazing and brutally honest...brilliant' THE LAD BIBLE

'A gifted storyteller...absorbing and very funny' THE LIST 'Destined for bigger things' CHORTLE

Sunday, 17 May 2015

Day 22 - The Log Book

Yep, you guessed it – another blog about poo. My apologies.

I will try to bring the tone out of the gutter at some stage but until the boys start writing poetry or conducting opera (which they'll definitely do, by the way) I'm limited to writing about what they give me. And at the moment that's a whole load of bootycakes.

It was suggested for us to keep a diary of our boy’s bowel movements at an anti-natal class a while back. This was a specialist twin session at the Liverpool Women's Hospital which was really useful. Run by midwives who either had twins or were twins themselves, they also brought two twin mums in who'd given birth at the hospital a few years ago. 

They said the diary was to make sure you could monitor if one twin hadn't been for a while, as the tiredness that would inevitably fall upon us like a poorly erected tent would make it even harder to keep track, especially with two of the little fudge machines doing their worst.

So in preparation my wife bought me a beautiful leather bound book with 'The Avery Poo Diaries' engraved on. It made me laugh for about a fortnight.

Although actually, the word diary is misleading as it’s much more of a log book to be honest, in more ways than one.

These are our first few entries:

7.30am           Big seedy poo
11.30am         Small seedy poo
3.30pm           B.S.P. (Big Seedy Poo)
7.30pm           Mustard poo with wee
11.30pm         Big, big poo. Ridiculously big really.

3.30am           Mainly piss, specks of shit
7.30am           He pooed AT me. Pretty sure it was intentional. Jesus
11.30am         1 x small turd
3.30pm           Poo, wee, sick. A dirty hatrick.

It's hardly Bridget Jones is it?.  And I certainly wouldn't want to see the film adaptation, although I’m sure Hugh Grant would be up for it.

But the weirdest bit isn’t even when you start diligently filling in an actual 'Poo Diary.' No, the strangest feeling is when you do it for long enough that it actually starts to feel normal. 

Now, that is weird.

Back tomorrow.

I post updates on my Twitter and Facebook pages if you want to keep reading but please don’t feel pressured into anything. You can also sign up to email updates at the top right of this page.

Read from the beginning here.

1 comment:

Benny said...

They're each amply versatile as well as nor possess below any kind of rolex replica sale proven indicators associated with undesirable rubbing or even obtaining trapped from any kind of combined. Each rolex replica sale anklet bracelets possess strong finish hyperlinks, obviously, as well as each additionally function superbly tapered hublot replica hyperlinks which begin from the situation as well as taper with the very first handful of series. Strong end-links really are a provided these days, and you will obviously locate them upon both replica watches sale. Band hyperlinks are superbly machined as well as rolex replica sale upon each items. The important thing variance between your 2 anklet bracelets is really within the hold, which will create a globe of the distinction within putting on comfort and ease. Whilst each clasps function within practically exactly the same method having a supplementary little locking mechanism on the top which starts as well as shuts having a really comforting click on the actual rolex replica uk hold includes a micro-adjust program included in this.