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Saturday, 16 May 2015

Day 21 - Hello, My Name Is...

We registered their names today. I've talked about this before but in serious and official situations I have to battle with every ounce of my being to prevent the mischievous goblin in my brain wading in with some inappropriate bollock-filled comment of complete inconsequence.

(When we got married we had to go to the records office and meet with the registrar and I spent the whole time in the waiting room resisting the urge to shout ‘ME NEED VISA’ at the top of my voice.)

We chose their names to complement each other. The following names were vetoed by my wife:

Bill and Ben
Cheech and Chong
Dick and Dom
Ant and Dec
Bert and Ernie
George and Andrew

If you managed to spot the last pairing was a vague reference to 80’s pop idols Wham then give yourself 10 ‘4am Feed’ smug points. If it flew over your head you’re clearly much younger than me.

We gave them middle names too. Partly because me and my wife don't have them but mainly so when they're naughty we've got their full name to scream across the supermarket. I find an extra couple of syllabulls of shouting help to get your point across clearly and also alert other shoppers to your parenting skills. 

We had to make sure we didn’t give them names that suited babies but not adults so we sifted through the baby name books that inexplicable still list ridiculous names like Adolf, Beavis, and Nigel.

When we had our first scan the guy told us about a pregnancy he’d scanned where the mother called her twins Dolce & Gabbana. DOLCE & GABANNA. Just let that sink in for a minute.

The poor kids. Even TK & Max would be an improvement on that.

So we had names in mind but I googled them pre-birth before we made a definite decision just to check we weren't naming them after something utterly horrific like a serial killer or a UKIP councillor. And then we decided. Zac and Ben.

I went into the registrar on my best behaviour and gave the guy the names and he said, 'Ah! Ben Avery, like the pirate?' My google search had already told me there was a pirate called Long Ben Avery (I think he sailed the seven seas rather than sold dodgy DVD's) but it was only then I realised that I’d have one son named after a pirate and one who wasn't. This will definitely cause problems down the line and if I'm still writing this blog then I'm sure I'll cover that in detail.

I did consider changing Zac’s name to mirror another famous Pirate but I didn’t think Ben & Francoise L’Ollonais scanned well together. Plus my wife would have made me walk the plank.

Back tomorrow.

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Read from the beginning here.

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