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Sunday, 27 September 2015

10 Things I've Learned As a Parent This Week #2


1.Running out of baby wipes mid-change is scarier than any of the Saw movies.

2.It’s pointless emptying the nappy bin as it will always be full. Always.

3.Joking to your wife that you really appreciate her ‘doing her 49% share of everything’ is definitely not funny.

4.Nothing can prepare you for the first time they poo in the bath. It’s horrific.

5.Trying to find the right position to soothe a crying baby is like trying to find phone signal at a music festival.

6.Some baby bowel movements are like an exorcism – pain – fear – relief. Followed by unbridled joy.

7.The smell of a bad nappy lingers in your house longer than the last few coffee Quality Streets at Christmas.

8.It’s possible to drink that much coffee you can hear your teeth.

9.Few things are sadder than reaching for a bottle of wine from the rack and remembering that’s now where you store the kitchen roll.

10.Nothing brings you back down to earth quicker after a really good gig than cleaning a pair of rancid arses.

(Read #3 here)

Sunday, 20 September 2015

10 Things I've Learned as a Parent This Week #1

1.The grime inside a baby’s neck folds is worse than anything found on a nightclub floor.

2.Coffee is more important than oxygen.

3.Someone has told my lads that solid food is ingested via the ears and nose.

4.Dirty nappies after solids get a very bad press. I’m a fan.

5.It’s possible to get so excited about going to sleep that you can’t sleep.

6.Babies should be born with teeth.

7.If something looks like poo and smells like poo, it’s poo.

8.If something looks like Marmite and smells like Marmite, it’s poo.

9.Both twins simultaneously weeing in the bath to create a live water feature is much funnier than I thought.

10.Playing with my kids is amazing but nap time is just as amazing (and sometimes more so).

(Read #2 here)