(Read last #4 here)
1.Blaming your baby's trumps on your partner never gets old.
2.Bathroom breaks are legitimate little holidays now. I won't rule out sit-down wees at some point either.
3.If you get too close to the baby monitor with the receiver the babies will wake up thinking they're at Download Festival.
4.It's easy to forget this and do it two days running.
5.Some sleepsuits are harder to get into than RADA.
6.People on the next table in Starbucks aren't as fascinated with your baby's bowel movements as you are.
7.Sleep deprivation is a tit. I queued for 5 minutes behind a row of empty parked cars.
8.My opinion on weaning poos fluctuates more than the weather. I'm a fan again this week.
9.One of our twins needs to play a lot of sport when he grows up as the way he's eating Channel 5 will want to make a documentary about him.
10.Using the baby change facilities when there's a queue makes you feel like you're on an episode of 'The Cube'.
(Read #6 here)
I'm a stand up comic and new dad to twins. You can click here to follow me on Facebook where I post all my blogs, memes and other blatherings about parenthood. (Or go to the top right of this page)