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Saturday, 21 November 2015

Don't Tell Me What My Baby Should Be Doing

Barely a day goes by when I don’t receive an email from a different source telling me exactly what stage of development my baby should be at. These things are relentless and I'm getting sick of them.

It’s my fault, I signed up for them. But these emails are less welcome in my inbox than another Nigerian Lottery win.

Emails like this:

4 weeks
Your baby will now be starting to recognize faces and responding to sounds. They should also be writing basic poetry.

6 Weeks
By now your baby should be smiling regularly and beginning to understand simple calculus while starting to develop an appreciation of Ancient Greek architecture.

8 weeks
Your baby should be holding their head at a 45 degree angle and holding sustained academic discussions on the merits of the feudal system while sketching portraits reminiscent in style of minimalist pioneer Ad Reinhardt. They should also be shitting in the bath regularly.

I'm know we need benchmarks but can’t we let them develop at their own pace?

Life is full of keeping up with the Joneses and being herding into step with everyone else. Let's at least cut some slack on our little babies and let them dribble and wriggle their way through their first few months without attaching expectations.

It's one thing to be getting automated emails. To hear these things from other parents is infuriating. 

"Are yours not rolling yet? Sebastian was already crawling at 6 months..."

Bully for you, Sebastian. Shame your mother is a complete turd.

I’m going to unsubscribe from all of these emails today. Then I'm going to watch my twin sons try to eat their own hands while babbling total nonsense and I'm going to enjoy every bloody second of it.

7 comments:

Teddy Bears And Cardigans said...

Good for you! I didn't have all these guides when mine were little, no wonderful world wide web. It's different with my grandson but at 13 months he still hasn't shit in the bath. Should I worry?

Anonymous said...

OMG My grandaughter Elizabeth is 14 months and hasn't shit in the bath either! I'm dialing 999 as soon as I've finished this post and uploaded the daily selfie of us both to Facebook

Mama Didas said...

I ignored those until they are 1 year and above its interesting to understand their behavior. Gives you peace of mind that they are supposed to do that at that age. Things like tantrums!!! Hahahah

Aliza Sartor said...

Wow ! This is very very very very useful and
most important post for me!

Thanks a lot for sharing your real experience in publicly!

Some people sometimes sand email like this way to
earn money !

All people need avoid this type email.

Again great thanks for sharing this post!

Paglu said...

Nice post !

Shabila Luis said...

I also appreciated the fact that I was lucky to be able to breastfeed as I know many mothers want to but can't for whatever reason. Even those that choose not to breast feed should not be maligned. Thanks !

ZenSeoTools said...

OMG ! i think some are fake and pull you on a great problem ! so i think when someone will receive an email like this , they need to just avoide/skip this fake news!
Thanks a lot for sharing your real experience.