1.Planning all the stuff you're gonna get done while the baby naps BEFORE they're asleep is like deciding what to spend your lottery win on before you've bought a ticket.
2.We need the machine they use to jet wash the pigeon shit off the statues in Trafalgar Square just to clean our Jumperoo.
3.Singing a happy song is the only way to get through a really horrific nappy change.
4.Velcro bibs attack all the other washing in the machine like sticky parasitic bastards.
5.My 8 month old boys often gaze at the lounge lamp with the reverence of a pair of rednecks witnessing a flying saucer.
6.Babies can be more uncooperative than a supermarket trolley on cobbles.
7.On the wrong day, counting the milk formula scoops into the bottle is harder than following a free form jazz signature.
8.After bedtime the nursery floor creaks like a listed building.
9.Babies need more clothes than Madonna - they'll never stop finding new and inventive ways to soil them.
10.Watching your little one return to their smiley self after battling a bad cold for a week is pure magic.