'Hilarious' DAILY MAIL 'Very entertaining' SUNDAY TIMES 'Amazing and brutally honest...brilliant' THE LAD BIBLE

'A gifted storyteller...absorbing and very funny' THE LIST 'Destined for bigger things' CHORTLE

Tuesday, 5 January 2016

The 5 Stages of Owning a Noisy Toy

1. YOU FEEL EXCITEMENT


Wow! A new toy. How cool! And it sings three different songs too. That's a relief as I was slightly tired of the other ones but this one seems different. Less annoying. 

We'll have endless fun with this, that's for sure!

2. YOU LEARN THE WORDS


Look, kids!

*presses button, sings along, feeling great*

This is better than karaoke. Hit that button again! Whooo!

3. YOU SING THE WORDS AT ALL TIMES


Bloody hell, that song is catchier than Ebola. Real earworm. Can't stop singing it.

Losing my mind a bit. This is worse than the Tetris dreams I used to have.

4. IT ENTERS YOUR SOUL


Oh, that FUCKING SONG. I can't even think straight. I swear I just had a dream with that as the soundtrack. More of a nightmare.

This is hell on earth. In fact it's worse because I can't hear myself scream - all I can hear is that frigging song.

5. LOSS OF RATIONAL THOUGHT


I'd do time for that fucking thing. As soon as everyone's asleep I'm taking a lump hammer to the bastard.

Or maybe throw it in the bath, drown the repetitive prick. That'll be quieter.

Although everyone will wake up when they hear me celebrating the demise of that mind-numbing, monotonous motherfucker.

DO YOU HEAR ME, ELMO?

I'M COMING FOR YOU.

1 comment:

Desmo said...

"Grab your friends it's time to play.. Bounce bounce the baaaaaaaallllllllllllll"
Did my head in let me tell you