'Hilarious' DAILY MAIL 'Very entertaining' SUNDAY TIMES 'Amazing and brutally honest...brilliant' THE LAD BIBLE

'A gifted storyteller...absorbing and very funny' THE LIST 'Destined for bigger things' CHORTLE

Monday, 7 November 2016

The 10 Best Things About Parenting


My twin boys are 18 months old so this will inevitably change. But for now, here’s my 10 favourite things about being a parent.

1.You Feel Like You've Done Something Worthwhile

The planet is overcrowded and we’re running out of fish. We’re not helping by adding more methane-oozing, petrol-guzzling humans to the queue for the last few haddock. But no achievement in life has made me feel as proud as my kids.

2.Nobody’s Bothered If / When You’re Late

You are never actually ‘on time’ with kids, merely ‘not late, yet.’ Twenty minutes, half an hour, fuck it – turn up a day late and nobody really cares. Or if they do they won’t say anything because you have a legitimate, living and shitting excuse.

3.When Your Child Laughs

There is no other sound like it. When your child laughs, the world makes sense. (Unless they’re laughing at the bollocking you’ve just given them.)

4.When They Sleep

Nap time is great (if it happens) but those nights when they go down at the end of the day and stay down are the absolute tits. Don’t get me wrong, I love spending time with them during daylight but when they sleep you still get that buzz of parental pride without the stabbing back pain and tinnitus that accompanies it when they’re awake.

5.Perspective

So what if your sports team gets ripped apart by their rivals? Who cares if your box-fresh Galaxy Notepad 7 has just exploded and set fire to your hair? Your kids love you and the world is a beautiful place.

6.Finding Emotions You Never Knew You Had

I look back at my happy moments before I was a dad and they all pale into insignificance next to the electric, all-consuming euphoria that I experience on a daily basis as a parent. (Kind of like if you’ve been drinking Diet Coke for years and then finally try real Coke.)

7.Material

I’m a comic and more recently, a blogger. Without kids I’d have to think quite hard about stuff to write. As it is my kids are an endless goldmine of proud, embarrassing, ridiculous, tear-jerking, vomit-inducing anecdotes.

8.Watching Your Kids Grow

Every milestone puts a spring in your step – first smile, first steps, although not much will compare to the first time they learn that toast doesn’t belong in the Bu-ray player.

9.Cuddles

Who doesn’t love cuddles? My kids now they’re walking. But towards the end of the day as they’re tiring out and they jump into your lap – it’s better than winning the lottery.

10.You Feel Like An Adult

Despite all the big landmarks in my life (getting married, buying a house, starting to enjoy going to the tip) I’ve never felt like a proper adult till I had kids. And while anyone who saw me jumping round the soft-play area today like an overgrown, balding 3 year old may disagree, parenthood does engender a certain level of maturity...

Ha! Have you read my blog before?!

NEXT UP: The 10 Worst Things About Parenting

I’m a stand up comic and dad of twins. Follow this blog on Facebook or Twitter or sign up to get each new one via email.

4 comments:

阿童木 said...

Since its inception in 1755, Vacheron Constantin has never rolex replica stopped production, is the world's oldest manufacturer of watches. replica rolex The brand launched first gold Chronograph can be traced back to 1928, this is the Harmony series and pillow shaped appearance and contemporary design inspiration. replica watches Elegant design case through remodeling the line equipped with high complexity and excellent function of complex movement.

hoxn Ln said...

[ Watches Replica design]

Mr. Bailey Christopher, CEO and creative director, Burberry

replica watchcase and dial

38mm 18K rose gold case drawing polishing handbag replica

Outer ring inlaid with diamonds (0.868, 124 carat)

The surface is inlaid with diamond and Pearl mother shell (245 diamonds, 1.163 carat)

Anti reflection, impact resistance, anti scratch sapphire crystal

Dimensions 37 x 45 11mm x

Table ear width 18mm Designer handbags

Screw in bottom cover

Waterproof 5ATM/50 meter
[ Replica Rolex Watches movement]
Swiss manufacturing automatic chain mechanical movement

Time, minute, second UK Replica watches

Gooseneck device STP3-13 (11.5 method, 26 gem, 28800 times per hour)

The decorative of the automatic Tuo and the splint

micalk senlldy said...

The whole idea of the It bag is smoke and mirrors really, based as it is on the idea of fleeting hotness whipped up by advertising and social media marketing. We get the term from 1920s silent movie actor Clara Bow, the original It girl, who starred in a movie of the same name. Bow was flavour of the month until Replica Handbags she wasn't. She lived her final years as a virtual recluse. And yet we all want to be It girls, don't we? Or at least carry a bag named after one Mulberry's Alexa, the Hermes Birkin, Victoria Beckham's. Or a bag we've seen on the Prada Replica Bags arm of one Beyonce, Sienna Miller, Salma Hayek, oh everyone with their Gucci Dionysus bags. Yearly price hikes way above inflation have become standard. Last year, the story went viral that investing in a Chanel 2.55 bag was a smarter idea Miu Miu Outlet than buying property since retail prices of those iconic flap bags with their distinctive chain straps had risen by 70 per cent in six years. Hmm, sorry, but while you may well save by buying that Replica Gucci Handbags this year as opposed to next, as with my old Barina, its on-sell value is going to come as a disappointment.

for IT the said...

I have read your blog its very attractive and impressive. I like it your blog.

Social Media Marketing Agency Social Media Marketing Services