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Thursday, 12 January 2017

The Secret Diary of a 21 Month Old (Part 28)

MONDAY
Discovered a great new game today called 'Keep Throwing Everything On The Floor Repeatedly For Ages'. (Needs a snappier title but you get the drift.) Big people joined in too. They kept picking everything up so I could keep playing.

TUESDAY
Reprogrammed the washing machine today. Mid-wash. Fuck knows what I did but it’s not working now. Tried to fix it for them but they wouldn’t let me near the thing.

WEDNESDAY
Had a great time ripping up my best books. Totally wrecked three of my favourite ones. Got told off by Mummy. Tried to blame the books. Didn’t work. Felt guilty. Mummy left room. Continued ripping books.

THURSDAY
Had hold of my Peppa Pig doll during a nappy change. Kept me distracted for a while until I grinded her face right into the filth. Big people went nuts and took her away. Really confusing. I thought she liked muddy puddles.

FRIDAY
The food round here is terrible. And the big people are full of shit - they keep saying it's 'lovely' as they tuck into something completely different. Hypocrites.

SATURDAY
Decided to throw my head to the side just as I was carried through a doorway. Hit my head on the frame. Cried for ages. Some of my life choices really are abysmal.

SUNDAY
I wish they’d stop asking me what’s up when I’m crying. You wouldn’t understand, man. It’s a toddler thing. Sort your own problems out.

(I post a new 'Secret Diary' to my FB page every Tuesday...I'm a stand up comic and dad to toddler twins and you can find my parent blog on this website...follow me on Twitter or Instagram...)

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